Last night while discussing with my girlfriend, who is still named Poops Ahoy, what it takes to begin a successful business, I suggested hiring an Indian. By Indian I don’t mean one who lives in a teepees and sends smoke signals. (Oh my god! That’s so racist!) I’m sure someone just screamed that. Fine. I don’t mean one of those that run casinos and takes all your money. Better? No? Well anyway. As I was saying, I don’t mean one of those kind. I mean the kind that wear that little red dot in the middle of their forehead like someone is staring at them through a sniper sight. The kind that’s better than everyone at math and science, that’s the type I’m talking about.
The reason is appearance and as they say appearances are everything. Understand what I’m getting at…come on you can do it. Still don’t get it, okay, don’t feel bad neither did Poops Ahoy. The reason you hire an Indian is that when someone calls about your product it will give the appearance of a successful business if they think that they’re speaking to an Indian in a call center somewhere on the Indian subcontinent. (Oh my god! That’s so racist!) Really? When’s the last time you called a customer service number and didn’t get somebody with a thick accent you can barely understand tell you their name is Bob? Makes sense now doesn’t it? (Oh my god! That is so racist!) Is it really? They take these names because they assume westerners cannot pronounce their real ones since they have 18 consonants and 1 vowel. What’s that you say? They’re right, we can’t. Oh my god! That is so racist! Now you know how it feels. Anyhoo…as I said, appearances are everything so hire an Indian with a thick accent to work the phones, hell hire two, make that one a woman, that way no one can accuse you of gender discrimination. 😁
Until next time.
A Fifth of Brian 