Yesterday was the 75th birthday of the greatest American hero since Archie Bunker. A man who has given us such timeless lines, such as, “you’ve desecrated the toilet that I call home,” and “marriage stinks, have a kid, kid stinks, have another.” A man who once scored four touchdowns in a single game for Polk High, and the Fates, having decided that was enough glory for a single man, sentenced him to a life selling women’s shoes. Yes I’m talking about Ed O”Neil, or as all you know him, the immortal: AL BUNDY.
Yes. There has only been one Al Bundy. The man who like his father could play a toilet…but only a Ferguson was acceptable, like a violin. He even built his own bathroom in the garage to house that cadillac of pooping stools. The most loyal patron of two of Chicago’s best known landmarks, the Nudie Bar and the Jiggly Room, where he and his friends expressed their appreciation of the art of surgically enhanced hooters. Those were the days.
But Al also had his romantic side which he never shied away from showing his beloved wife Peg, such as the time he said, “I love you. I just wish you wouldn’t touch me though.” Or who could forget, “just because I never tell you I love you, I don’t want to spend any time with you and the sound of your voice often makes me cringe, that I want another woman. You’re the only one for me.” A lover if there ever was one.
Al was also a great father. An example of which is the day he came home to find his son Bud alone on the couch and said, “Son are we alone?” and upon finding they were told his son, “Then you’re the only one I have to get rid of.” Or what about the time a he had a tender moment with his daughter Kelly and showed his love by saying, “yeah yeah. Go away now.”
Happy Birthday Ed O’Neil, a.k.a. Al Bundy. Husband, father, good neighbor, bane of fat women everywhere. If we had more like you this country would be as great as ever. 🇺🇸
A Fifth of Brian 