Of all of mankinds greatest inventions, from movable type, to penicillin, the greatest and most endurable, the one of which we should be the most proud is the toupee. The hair piece, the rug, that muskrat that sits on the top of the head of your average human flashlight that dates all the way back to 3100 B.C. Even back when men had to keep quiet in order not to scare off dinner, they were still concerned about male pattern baldness.
The hair rug comes in many styles, those that make you look like you need a haircut (you wish), those that make you look like you just got a haircut (again you wish) and those that even make your hair look like it’s beginning to grow out (not even if you had a genie). There are also toupees that match the color of the little amount of hair you have left. Made of space age fibers, it can repel anything (wind, rain, snow and especially women). More than any neon sign, nothing says look at me like a chrome dome covered with road kill. It’s supposed to look natural, but couldn’t look phonier if it came with a chin strap. So save your money, toss them aside, stop making Sy Sperling rich. Baldness isn’t cool (exception Bruce Willis and Stone Cold Steve Austin). If it were, you wouldn’t be covering your head with the neighbors’ cat. Remember, there’s something out there that doesn’t care what you look like and accepts you for you are. Free flowing alcohol.
A Fifth of Brian 