A little information about my lady Poops Ahoy. Two things she really likes to do is clog a toilet and cuddle. Luckily not at the same time. Which leads me to say this in a way that anyone can understand: REAL MEN DON’T CUDDLE!!
Very recently it looked like Poops Ahoy had finally seen the light when she texted me an article explaining why men don’t like to cuddle. The article was accompanied with a one word message:
Even worse she sent me another article laying out in great detail why men aren’t cuddlers, even going so far as to say that it read like I had written it. And again she has chosen to disbelieve it because it was written by a man. It gets worse, not only did she ignore it but went looking for counter-arguments by sissy boys who don’t know the difference between a football and a woman’s breast because they’ve never touched either.
FINE! Oh for joy! For joy! Poops Ahoy and maybe evens thousands of grabby women everywhere had finally seen the light. What a great day! but alas, it to last only a scarce 24 hours. The next day Poops Ahoy, like a defense attorney who has hit their stride, had chosen to disregard the concrete evidence in the article because the author was a man. What a sexist! As if somehow men don’t know what they want, or more importantly, what they don’t want. Once more for a chorus:
REAL MEN DON’T CUDDLE!!
But it didn’t stop there, no. She even found another article explaining in evel greater detail why men don’t like the octopus hug, even telling me that it read like I had written it, then immediately dismissed it out of hand because once again, you guessed it, written by a man. Did I mention what a sexist Poops Ahoy is?…okay, anyway on with this true story. She not only compounded her crime from before by disregarding the brilliance of the argument but searched for counter-arguments in favor of cuddling from squeaky voiced sissy boys, who don’t know the difference between a football and a woman’s breasts because they’ve never touched either.
Needless to say there’s going to have to be a serious sit down with Poops Ahoy, where she finally sees the error of her ways. After all, the man is always right. I’ll prove it now by reminding her:
REAL MEN DON’T CUDDLE!!
Until next time. 🇺🇸
A Fifth of Brian 
Aaron Rodgers cuddles with Shailene Woodley. You cuddle with your girlfriend. She told me. She also said you can run, but you can’t hide. Her ability to clog toilets has no business in this blog. Clog this blog!
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Aaron Rodgers is an asshole, who’s opinion means nothing. I can easily outrun my girlfriend. Fine, I’ll next write an entirely separate blog post about what she can do to a toilet. 😁
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If you know what’s good for you, you’ll not do such a thing. You can outrun her. Can you now? 🤨
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